Letting go of the wild horses and embracing surrender

But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint. Is. 40:31

One of the limiting beliefs that’s held me captive for years – especially when my kids were toddlers was — I’m too exhausted to pursue any of my creative dreams. This was closely followed by – I just don’t have the time to do one more thing.

And so for years, I pushed back — mentally packed away my heart’s desire and dreams under the label: not now; maybe later.

My kids are now all in school and yet I still find myself in that same rut of exhaustion and living on the brink of burnout. And worse of all – most of the time, I can’t tell you where my energy or time went. I just remember being busy and feeling like a cart yanked by wild horses. How can you not expect to cause pain and experience pain when you live like that?

But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength.

So this is the key – there is another way to live. Instead of living in the dumps of pain, regret, exhaustion, burnout, we can live in a place of strength that comes from God.

Those who wait on the LORD

The NIV version says — those who hope in the LORD. Understanding what waiting and hoping in the LORD is essential here. Written hundreds of years ago, Matthew Henry’s commentary says waiting on the Lord means relying on Him and committing and submitting to His guidance to lead us.

This is so different to my ways of striving, hustling to make things happen. It’s not that I don’t pray about things — I just often run ahead and make plans and pray that God blesses them. I justify my actions by quoting the psalmist:

Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will grant you the desires of your heart.

I reason that I have delighted myself in Him and since these are the desires of my heart, surely He will bless them and grant them to me. Except that many of my endeavors and desires have fallen with a great big thud, and I find myself more paralyzed by yet another failure.

And over time the pile up of failures and the pain of associated with them builds a fear that immobilizes and leaves you stuck. I have more fears now than when I first moved overseas 15 years ago. And I can’t say I would have the faith to make the same decision now. I would be paralyzed by all the risks that are associated with uprooting your life and moving to a country where you can’t speak the language.

But God in His goodness, keeps us from knowing everything because some of us would never make the first step of faith.    

This year, my prayer is to let go of the wild horses pulling my life and enter into a quiet place where I can wait on the Lord and hear His quiet voice guiding me — moment by moment.

It’s a New Year … another glorious opportunity to acknowledge that He is my God — the Lord of my life. Yes, a new day to make the choice to put Him at the center of my heart, vision and desires.

When I know Him and trust Him as my good Father, it’s a joy and honor to lay my life before Him. He is the one who created me and knows my purpose.  

So taking flight begins in a place of surrender — a surrender of my life, my goals and desires.