It’s another winter day when the world outside is covered in snow. Lying under my soft warm blanket, I wonder if I will make it –will today be another day of pain?
I feel the lingering twinge of regret – I fell asleep as I read to the kids last night and crawled into bed half-asleep. I didn’t listen to my daughter’s prayer. Sigh.
The alarm goes off again and the tension, worry and fear make my body ache.
With a mind not fully awake, I cry out to Abba for help. The only way to stop the reels in my mind from going in the same harmful patterns of defeat and self-condemnation is to get up from the darkness.
And so I make my way to the kitchen and turn the kettle on. My neatly written morning routine says, I’m supposed to read the Word – to hear what Papa has to say to me. But I sit with coffee in hand and stare out into cold, dark winter morning.
I feel the coldness in my heart – the numbing of pain. I have to let it go – the regret of things missed, of what I should have done but didn’t manage. The regret of yesterdays is like a shackle wrapped around my heart and it threatens to keep me a prisoner another day.
“Love is patient, Love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Co. 13
My Heavenly Father does not keep record of wrongs … why should I? Yes, the world outside is covered in white, and I’m beginning to get the message.
“Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow” Is. 1:18
I’m forgiven and I’m asked to forgive to myself. It’s the only way to truly let it go and be free from the shackle that wants to choke my heart. If I only live in the regret, I will surely repeat the painful cycle.
“Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.”
I’m loved and because I am loved, I can love my children – as imperfect as that may be displayed some days.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
The darkness fades away as the day fully awakens and my youngest crawls on my lap and wraps his little body against mine. The joy of being forgiven and loved fill my heart. It’s going to be a day of grace — a day to protect, trust, hope and persevere.
Rachael M Colby says
Raw. Full of truth. Thank you. God bless you, Hulda, as you abide in His Love and continue to grow in His grace.
Thanks for stopping by Rachael! Blessings to you my friend.
Pearl Allard says
Oh Hulda, this is beautiful on so many levels. Your writing, straight from the heart, touches mine. Wow, can I relate. Thank you for kindling warm encouragement out of winter cold.
Thanks Pearl. Your kind words always bless me.
Melissa Stroh says
I’ve truly felt those days many times. So poignant. We need those days of grace to step in and take over at times like that. Thank you for sharing this, Hulda!