And I’ve been battling it these past three months. On the outside it may seem like everything is ok but on the inside I feel like I’m sinking deeper into the pit of despair.
I didn’t feel this way when we were in the States. I remember feeling such incredible sense of peace … and so why is my peace gone now? Why does it seem like I have to fight to find it daily?
I had so hoped that things would work out differently than they did and I’m afraid of how things will turn out. In essence, I’m worried about the future. I’m afraid that we won’t be able to make all of our payments on time.
I’m afraid of disappointing the kids — because they won’t get what they want. I’m afraid of disappointing the teachers at school where I’m attempting to open a library. I’m afraid that no one will come and that I will just be wasting my time.
Then one morning, I find a small wood stick with the these words written on it with a black marker:
“Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
It’s written in Czech and I ask everyone in the family if they placed it there or if they knew where it came from. No one knows. I keep thinking one of them must have place it there and forgot. How can it just appear on my nightstand?
But now I see.
“Do not be afraid.”
Father knew that I would need this Scripture — that I would fall into the pit of fear and despair.
I don’t have to be afraid. My Heavenly Father is with me … here in Czechia far away from my extended family and the familiar language of English.
And while things did not turn out as planned, I know that it’s going to be ok. He’s got this. All I have to do is trust and believe.