I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Ps. 34:4
The danger of going back to the dark crevices of past hurts, is that you can get stuck there. As I recalled that day when I saw the evil done to Señora Eva, the emotions came flooding back.
The healing comes in the realization that even then Jesus was with me. I was never alone.
Some American medical missionaries had come to our village after World War II and brought the Good News of Jesus. When my parents were young adults in the 60s, they both gave their lives to Him and got baptized in Lake Titicaca.
They were among the few who’d left the established Catholic Church that the Spaniards had brought. But more than 500 years after it’s arrival, the Catholic Church in the Peruvian Andes is nothing like its mother church in Rome. Over the years, a lot of the Indian ceremonies and beliefs have been mixed in.
I remember watching the giant, intricately dressed-up dolls that represented Baby Jesus, Mary and other saints being paraded around the village square. Everyone bowed their head in solemn reverance as they passed by. But even as a child, I saw how pointless it was to worship these graven images.
Instead, I remember looking to the heavens and wondering when Jesus would come back. At night the Andes sky is filled with so many stars that appear so close that you think you can reach out and touch one. On the hard days, I prayed that He might come soon.
My parents took us to the small adobe church on top of the hill, outside the village. We sang hymns in Spanish and had potluck lunches after church. It would be years before I understood the full meaning of those hymns. What I did learn was that God – Jesus – was coming back to take us home. And I put my hope in that.
A few years later, I remember waking up in a giant airplane as we got closer to landing at the national airport in Washington, D.C. Right across the aisle, my four-year-old sister had her hands pressed together and eyes closed. Her small lips moving silently.
It’s a tender image I like remembering. We’d never seen or been in a plane before — I can only imagine what she was feeling. But she had caught it — she was telling Jesus about it.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears. Ps. 34:4
It took me years before I learned that I could come to Jesus with my fears and insecurities.
But like the psalmist, I’m learning to cry out to God on those dark days when the ache in my heart is more than I can bear. And He’s my deliverer. Even when my faith is at rock bottom, I find that He is there. Yes, He’s a kind and faithful Father.
Though I may never fully understand why some things happened, I know I can trust Him. He was there in the darkest moments and saddest days of my life. And He is here now.
Rebekah Dorris says
I know writing this is hard for you, but thank you.
I so need to read it, especially today. God bless.
Thank you Rebekah. Praying God meets you right where you are and enfolds you in love and care.