Dear God, can I talk to you?

Day 13 {FMF}

Dear God, it’s me, your daughter. Can I talk to you?

It’s the day I entered this world decades ago there on the shores of Lake Titicaca in an adobe mud home. 

Why is this day so painful some years — like this one? It should be a joyful one, right? Why do the tears flow and my heart feels broken? I bet you were happy and joyful on your birthdays. Did your family and friends celebrate it with you?

You knew why you came into this dark world and your great love for us kept you on your mission didn’t it?

Did you ever feel like a failure — especially in the areas that mattered most like relationships? Probably not. You loved everyone and your friends and family loved you.

No, not everyone did? You mean Judas? You loved him and yet he turned his back on you. No more than that. He turned you in. He chose the devil over you. And Peter, he promised he’d never deny you but he did. Three times. Did that break your heart?

It wasn’t only them though was it? I’ve also rejected you and denied you, haven’t I?

But you are the Father who looks daily to see if this is day your child comes home. And I remember the day I came home to you. You enfolded me in your love. I was sorry for going out into the world to look for the happiness and love that you alone can give. 

Now that I’m a mama, I understand the pain of rejection from those you love dearly. 

Your love for us is perfect for you are perfect. But me, I think of how the only mama I can give these 3 eternal beings is this broken, imperfect mama. I can only give them my broken heart. And I have to trust you, Father, to make up the difference.

Thank you, Father, that you love me and comfort me.

huldabennett@gmail.com

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