Why am I here?

It’s a question I asked when I was in college — when I came to that age of awareness and I wanted to know — why am I here? Does my life matter? What exactly am I supposed to do?

Funny, how life has a way of bringing you full circle. My first born has reached that age where she is questioning a lot of things. 

I still remember her bedtime questions at age five — Mom, what did God create me for? It was almost as if she wanted to know so that she could get on with it. 

I know that as she gets older she will have to answer that question for herself.

I’ve asked similar questions many times over the years and even more recently when we were on furlough for a year. 

Why would we as a family go back to Czech? And at its root, it goes back to the question of — why am I here?

The overarching answer for me begins with God and the more specific of why I am here in Czechia also begins with Him. He is the Master Creator of the universe, of our world and of little me. 

I’m not an accident — a random fluke of sorts. I’m here because God in His sovereignty put me in an Andean family who moved to the U.S. when I was 8. I didn’t get to choose that.

But at age 30, I made the conscious decision to visit Czechia and two years later, I moved here out of my free will. I did not come here to earn money, to live an adventurous life or meet my future husband. 

I came because I believe God called me to share His love and truth in this tiny country in the middle of Europe. 

And while I was on furlough last year, I thought long and hard about the fourteen years I spent here. Why did I stay for so long? I was tempted to think — I could have done so much with my life in 14 years in the U.S. Did I just waste my life coming here on a “calling?”

I could hear the enemy hissing … a yes. 

So why did we come back? It’s a question many of our Czech friends have asked us. We came back not because we had to, but because we wanted to — all five of us. The kids wanted to return primarily because this is home to them. It’s the world their eyes opened to as infants. Their Daddy wanted to come back because he loves the people here and the work he gets to do. And me? 

I wish mine were an easy answer to share publicly. I wish it were easy as it is for their Daddy but I struggle — as I did during the 14 years.  I wonder was it really worth it? Did I do the right thing? I believe I did but the enemy of my soul would like to convince me otherwise.

Even so I press on. The 14 years — of sowing in tears and trials, of believing that God could use our little family to make an impact in this nation, of loving those God sent us — will not go to waste. I came back to reap the harvest. Yeah God — with you nothing is impossible.

 

huldabennett@gmail.com

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